Signs of Life Read online

  They hit the cool night air, a relief from the stifling closeness of the club. Kai turned to him to say something, and Jeremy found himself gripping the front of his T-shirt in his fists, shoving him around the corner out of sight of the front door and slamming his back against the nearest wall.

  With one hand he gripped Kai’s chin and tilted his head back, and Jeremy took his mouth in an almost brutal kiss, moaning as Kai opened to him immediately, their tongues dueling hotly together. Jeremy tangled the fingers of his other hand in Kai’s thick black hair and ravaged his mouth, sucking at his lips, flicking the hoop, nipping, devouring.

  Kai brought his hands around and splayed them across the small of Jeremy’s back under his T-shirt, pulling their lower bodies together. Jeremy pushed his hips into Kai’s, grinding against him, finally breaking the kiss and noticing with pure male satisfaction how red and swollen his mouth was.

  Kai ran his hands up Jeremy’s back and wound his arms around his neck, whispering against Jeremy’s lips, “What do you want, baby?”

  Normally Jeremy would have been turned off by such a casual endearment, but he found that coming from Kai it made him hotter. He didn’t even recognize himself, didn’t recognize the stranger who growled, “I want to watch you come.”

  Kai’s eyes flared hot, and he leaned back against the wall, lifting his arms above his head and crossing them at the wrist. “Make me,” he murmured, jutting his hips forward. Jeremy moved closer, pinning Kai’s wrists to the wall with one of his hands, feeling him flex under his grip but not trying to break free.

  He leaned down and kissed Kai again, running his free hand under the T-shirt, trying to touch, but the material was too tight. With an oath he let go of Kai’s wrists and ripped the offending T-shirt over his head and threw it to the ground. He pinned Kai again, now free to touch the ridged muscles, the hair-roughened golden brown skin. Jeremy watched his eyes as he brushed his fingertips over the nipple piercing, flirting with it, enjoying how Kai bit his lip in anticipation.

  Jeremy’s voice was guttural as he whispered, “I want to strip you naked and spread you out on my bed, hold you down while I lick and suck every inch of your body. I want to taste you, fuck you with my fingers and tongue until you’re crying for my cock.” As he spoke he tugged on the piercing, flicking his thumbnail over the hard tip of Kai’s nipple. Kai cried out, his back arching.

  “Fuck yes. Oh, fuck yes,” he panted.

  “I want you to beg me. I want you to scream for me. That’s what I want.”

  Jeremy kissed him roughly, thrusting his tongue into Kai’s mouth as he wrestled Kai’s jeans open. He shoved his hand down his pants, finding his erection trapped along his thigh and pulling it free. Jeremy rubbed his fingers roughly across the wet tip, feeling Kai’s body jerk, pulling at Jeremy’s restraining grip, moaning as Jeremy held him fast.

  With his thumb he massaged the sensitive nerves on the underside of Kai’s cock, milking the precome that welled from the slit and gathering it on his fingers. Kai shamelessly thrust his hips forward and Jeremy spit into his palm, starting to jack him slowly but thoroughly with long strokes, watching Kai’s face. Kai slid his eyes closed, his mouth falling open, arching his head back against the wall as he moved his hips, fucking his cock through the tunnel of Jeremy’s slick fist.

  “That’s it,” Jeremy whispered in Kai’s ear. “You want to come for me, don’t you? Tell me.”

  “Yes,” Kai moaned. “I wanna come for you. I’m gonna come so fucking hard.” His voice trailed off into a whimper as Jeremy sped up his strokes, bending his head and sucking Kai’s pierced nipple into his mouth, flicking the bar with his tongue before he bit down sharply on the hard, swollen flesh.

  Kai’s body went rigid as he arched his back, his loud cry bouncing off the walls of the alley, his cock spasming in Jeremy’s hand as jet after jet of hot semen filled Jeremy’s palm, stringing through his fingers. The orgasm went on and on as Jeremy milked him hard, wringing every last drop from him, exulting in Kai’s sobbing breaths and broken moans.

  Mindless with lust, Jeremy ripped his own jeans open and lubed himself with Kai’s come, spinning him around and pressing his belly up against the wall.

  “Condom,” Kai gasped. “Don’t fuck—without a condom.”

  Jeremy didn’t answer, just snugged himself between Kai’s muscular cheeks, holding him tightly.

  “That’s it, fight me,” Jeremy gasped, rutting hard and fast, shoving his cock up and down in the cleft of Kai’s ass but making no move to enter him.

  When Kai realized Jeremy wasn’t trying to fuck him bareback, he stopped struggling, pressing his palms against the wall and circling his hips, moaning as the ridge of Jeremy’s cock stimulated his entrance.

  “Yes,” Jeremy hissed, splaying his hands across Kai’s tight abdomen and pulling his hips up and back, looking down and seeing the swollen, angry head as it appeared and disappeared at the top of Kai’s dark, shadowy cleft. Jeremy moaned helplessly as his balls drew up tight, his orgasm erupting from him in pulses of creamy white that coated Kai’s lower back, spreading along the flawless brown skin, marking him. Jeremy bit down on the junction of Kai’s shoulder and neck to muffle his scream, his fingers gripping hard enough to bruise.

  Finally, wrung dry, his body heaving with shudders, he collapsed against Kai’s back, his face buried in his sweaty neck.

  “Fuck, Jeremy,” Kai muttered, his cheek still pressed against the rough brick of the alley wall. “Fuck. I don’t think I’ve ever come so fucking hard in my entire life.”

  Jeremy knew he hadn’t ever come so hard, not ever, and as the orgasm haze cleared, he was suddenly horrified. What had he done, practically assaulting this stranger in an alleyway in full view of anyone who walked by? Shaking with reaction, he tucked himself away and zipped up, then bent over and picked up Kai’s T-shirt, silently handing it to him before turning and striding away without another word.

  KAI TOOK deep breaths, willing his body to calm down, feeling Jeremy’s semen cooling on his lower back to an uncomfortable clamminess. He started to pull his T-shirt over his head, his voice coming out muffled as he said, “Hey, let’s head to my room and take a shower, then go get something to eat, maybe talk.” He pulled an old napkin from his pocket and swiped ineffectually at his back, suddenly realizing he hadn’t heard a response from Jeremy to his suggestion.

  He turned around, swiveling his head in disbelief as he realized Jeremy had left him without a word. Kai slumped back against the wall, feeling cheap, used. Well, what did he really fucking expect, picking someone up at a club and offering him his ass in a dirty alley? But still there had been such strong chemistry, a connection Kai had felt down to his toes. He had really wanted to talk to Jeremy, maybe get to know him a little bit. What a fool.

  Kai slammed his fist against the brick wall, relishing the sharp bite of pain, the blood that oozed out of his scraped skin. He usually wasn’t so fucking naïve. If he hadn’t enjoyed himself so much, he’d be really pissed. At least he’d done what he came here to do, gotten off with a hot stranger. Mission accomplished and all that bullshit, and here he was mooning like an idiot over the cute boy in class.

  He sucked the blood from his knuckles ruefully, intending to head back into the club to find Loren and tell him he was on his own, that Kai was going back to the room to lick his wounds. As he walked out of the alley, he winced; the crack of his ass felt slimy, and his T-shirt was stuck to his skin by drying spunk. He couldn’t wait to get back to the room and shower.

  “Kai!” He heard his name called, and he turned to see Loren heading his way from the direction of the club entrance, his arm slung around the shoulders of some blond twink who at first glance looked fifteen, but as they got closer, Kai could see he was at least a decade older. He’d tried hard with the look, though, skinny jeans and Vans, a loose tank top, black nail polish, complete with sullen look on his face.

  “Going back to the room, man,” Loren said. “Gimme at least an hour, m
aybe more.”

  Kai glared at him evilly, and Loren shrugged, reaching out and running a knowing finger over the tender spot on the side of Kai’s neck. Kai winced ruefully—he probably had a hell of a hickey there—remembering the way Jeremy had sucked on his skin. He’d gotten his; he couldn’t deny Loren his fun.

  “Take me home, Daddy?” the twink said, and Kai tried hard not to grimace. He would never judge someone for their kinks, but the daddy/son vibe that turned Loren on was one that Kai would never understand. Loren shushed the guy, giving him a stern look, and the guy hung his head, all part of the game.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Kai groused as he headed back into the club. He’d get another drink and try to ignore the way Jeremy’s drying come pulled at the fine hairs on the small of his back, in the crack of his ass. Suddenly he felt like the most pathetic loser on the face of the planet, and he wanted to smash something.

  “I’m coming back in an hour, whether you’re done or not. So be done,” he yelled over his shoulder. Loren grinned at him, then grabbed the twink’s arm and hustled him away. Kai went into the restroom and used a wet paper towel to try and clean himself off, finally giving up in disgust and heading to the bar. He sat, brooding, drinking beer, playing the events with Jeremy over and over in his head, trying to analyze his deep disappointment over the way things ended.

  What had he really expected to happen, that they would get cleaned up, go to breakfast, and end up falling in love? When he’d just been telling himself a few hours before the last thing he wanted was a relationship? Even though Kai had been watching Jeremy run around the city for months, he didn’t know the first thing about him. The fucking guy could be married with a pack of kids for all he knew! Jeremy should have said good-bye, at least. That was the decent thing to do, but he didn’t owe Kai anything else for a fuck in an alleyway, for scoring with a hot piece of ass. Let it go already.

  After he finished his latest beer, he looked at the clock on the wall and saw he’d given Loren close to an hour and a half to finish up with his twink. If he wasn’t done, too fucking bad. Kai was taking a shower and going to bed.

  A few minutes later, he stood outside the door of the hotel room, listening. All was silent, and Kai breathed a sigh of relief. Loren was incapable of being quiet while fucking, and Kai would definitely know if he was still going at it. He let himself into the room, wrinkling his nose at the sex funk hanging in the air, and went to flip on the bathroom light. It let enough ambient light into the room for him to see Loren on his back in one of the queen beds, the blond curled around him, his head on his chest. Shit, he’d hoped the guy would be long gone, but clearly they’d passed out before Loren could get rid of him.

  Kai took a quick shower and then slid naked into his own bed, hoping he’d fall asleep quickly but still feeling wound up from the events of the night. Eventually the beers took their toll, and he woke with a jolt a few hours later, blinking blearily at the bedside clock. What the fuck had woken him? The bed next to his creaked rhythmically, and a whimper followed by a low moan reached his ears. Oh, Jesus Christ. Kai pulled his pillow over his head and tried to shut out the sound of skin slapping together, squeals and grunts. He couldn’t help himself, though, peeking out at one point to see the twink enthusiastically riding Loren, bouncing up and down, Loren’s big hands guiding him while he planted his feet flat on the bed and shoved upward.

  Finally, finally they finished and Kai threw his arm across his eyes, listening as Loren cajoled the twink out of bed, helped him on with his clothes and then sent him on his way. Loren made a stop in the bathroom, water running briefly, before he came back in and threw himself down next to Kai in bed, wriggling under the covers.

  “You better not be getting spooge all over my sheets,” Kai grumbled, shoving at Loren with his foot. Loren grinned.

  “All cleaned up,” he said comfortably, opening his arms in invitation. Kai glared at him for a moment and then sighed, scooting over and putting his head on Loren’s big chest, feeling him put his arm around him.

  “Did you have a good time tonight?” Loren rumbled, rubbing Kai’s back.

  “I did, but at the same time it kind of sucked,” Kai said sleepily. “Guy turned out to be a real asshat.”

  “Sorry, baby,” Loren murmured, sliding his hand lower and squeezing Kai’s ass.

  “Stop it. Didn’t you get enough, ‘Daddy’?” Kai huffed.

  Loren squeezed his ass again, chuckling. They lay there in silence for a few minutes until Kai said, “I meant to ask you earlier. How is Elise doing?”

  Loren sighed heavily, pushing Kai away and sitting up. “Not too well. We’re all pretty fucking worried about her.”

  A few weeks ago Loren had told Kai about a fellow cop who was sexually assaulted while off-duty. Elise was a veteran officer, a badass, but one night she went to check her mail at her apartment complex and was surprised by a blitz attack from behind in the dark. The unseen man forced her to the ground in the shadows, the surprise and viciousness of the assault rendering her helpless to fight back. She was raped and left stunned, bleeding on the ground. Her physical injuries healed, but emotional and psychological ones hadn’t even begun to.

  “She’s a mess, Kai,” Loren continued sadly. “She wants to come back to work but her confidence is completely shot to hell. The police therapist told her it might help to take some refresher self-defense classes, but she can’t let the men near her for training, even men she knows and has worked with for years.”

  Kai sat up too, running his hand comfortingly up and down Loren’s back, just listening.

  “She’s a good cop, Kai, awesome with the domestic violence or sexual assault vics. It’s one of those ‘you never think it’ll happen to you’ type things. She can’t get past the fact that even with all her training she let the guy get the drop on her.”

  “See if she’ll come to Krav Maga with us,” Kai suggested. “Something completely not associated with the department, with students who have no idea who she is or what she’s been through. Maybe part of the problem with working with the men there is she knows they know what happened to her.”

  “Could be,” Loren said thoughtfully. “But she freezes and starts shaking when a man gets too close to her, much less simulates trying to grab her. She wants to work through this, and it breaks my heart to see her not be able to cope. She thinks she’s weak.”

  Kai lay back down, crossing his arms behind his head. “What about a gay man?”

  Loren looked down at him. “What are you talking about?”

  “Psychologically it might help to train with a gay man, even if logically it doesn’t seem to make much sense since we know that rape is more about power than sex. But if it can help her get past her initial fear, once she can empower herself through training, I think maybe the rest of it will start to resolve.”

  Loren’s eyes widened, and he flopped down next to him, pulling Kai into his arms for a hug before kissing him on the cheek. “That’s crazy and sort of brilliant, Kai.”

  Kai reached up and patted Loren on the head. “I have my moments. It might not work, but at least it’s something she hasn’t tried.”

  “I’ll talk to her about it next time I see her.”

  Loren rolled to his back and Kai snuggled once more against his chest. Loren ran his hand down Kai’s back to pat his ass, and he soon fell asleep, leaving his hand where it was. Kai threw one leg across both of Loren’s and followed him into oblivion.

  JEREMY HADN’T slept at all, and he sat now on the balcony of his downtown hotel suite, nursing a cup of coffee, watching the sun rise over the buildings and glint off the Willamette River. He couldn’t stop berating himself for how he’d acted, getting off and then walking away without even a good-bye, leaving a nice man almost certainly feeling like the cheapest rent boy. If he’d handled it differently, that gorgeous man could be in his bed right now, flushed and sated. Jeremy could just picture him, the contrast his rich tawny skin would make against the blinding whit
e sheets of the king-sized bed, his black hair spread across the pillow.

  It had been the hottest sex of his life, and Jeremy couldn’t believe he was thinking that about an encounter with a stranger in a dirty alley, but he’d never before felt the urge to consume someone, to crawl inside their skin, to own them like that. Sex with Brent had been amazing, loving and tender. He would never have dreamed of treating Brent so roughly, growling filthy words into his ear while he emptied himself all over him. Sex wasn’t the foundation of their relationship, and during Brent’s depressive episode, there wasn’t much of it at all. Brent hadn’t wanted it, and the few times he did, the different medications he was trying sometimes inhibited his performance, sending him deeper into a pit of despair. After a while Jeremy stopped trying to make love to him, not wanting him to feel shame, to feel like less of a man because his body wouldn’t cooperate with his brain.

  The sheer intensity of the sex with Kai threw Jeremy for a loop. He’d been horrified, both because of his actions and because he suddenly felt more alive than he had in a long time. The usual guilt had roared through him and caused him to panic. He hadn’t meant to enjoy himself quite so much. But you did, he told himself ruthlessly, and the world didn’t come to an end and Brent is still dead.

  Jeremy put his coffee cup down and stood up, leaning against the railing, feeling shaky. Brent was gone. He was gone forever, and if Jeremy decided to bring a beautiful stranger back to his hotel room and enjoy his body, enjoy his company until they were both satisfied and went their separate ways, it would make no difference. Whether Jeremy fucked Kai through the mattress all night or not, Brent would still be gone. When he was alive, Jeremy hadn’t failed him, hadn’t let him down. He’d died happy, secure in Jeremy’s love and devotion. Nothing Jeremy did now would take away from what he’d felt for him or diminish the life they’d had together.