Signs of Life Read online

  “Are you—” Jeremy croaked, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Are you going out later?”

  “No,” Kai murmured. “I just wanted to be myself tonight. Does that bother you?”

  “God no,” Jeremy said, a little more fervently than he intended. Kai quirked his lips up in a smile and Jeremy dropped his eyes helplessly to them again. He had a thing for a full, sinful pair of lips, and Kai’s were probably the plumpest, most beautiful he’d ever seen. He licked his own nervously, then turned and led the way to the kitchen.

  “You want some wine, or a beer?”

  “I’ll have some wine.”

  Jeremy poured him a glass, then showed Kai to the glass-enclosed patio. Kai sipped his wine and watched while Jeremy put the steaks on the grill, going back and forth to the kitchen, finally bringing foil-wrapped potatoes and a big bowl of salad out to the table that was set in one corner of the patio. The flickering firelight was reflected in the glass wall and danced across Kai’s face, making the lip piercing gleam.

  “This is beautiful, Jeremy,” Kai said sincerely, looking around the patio. “If I had this, I don’t think I’d spend any time inside.”

  “This is my favorite part of the house,” Jeremy admitted. “I enclosed the patio when I bought it, and I love to sit out here in the winter next to the fireplace, watching the snow or the rain on the glass.”

  Kai looked up at the ceiling of the enclosure, watching the rain hit it and then slide down the outside.

  “I can take the side panels off in the summer and enjoy the open air. I just put the panels back on last week when the rain started more regularly.” Jeremy knew he was rambling, so he shut his mouth, busying himself setting out fixings for the potatoes, salad dressing, fresh rolls, and finally the steaks themselves.

  While they ate they made small talk, Kai telling amusing anecdotes about his students, Jeremy talking about buying the Victorian and his plans for setting up a law practice. The conversation was superficial and easy, and as they enjoyed the food and the steadily diminishing bottle of wine, Jeremy felt himself relax almost completely.

  When they were done and Kai had complimented the chef, Jeremy cleared the table and dumped the dishes in the sink for later, then rejoined Kai, taking a seat opposite him in one of the overstuffed chairs next to the fireplace. He sank back into the thick cushions with a sigh.

  “What did you want to talk to me about?” Jeremy asked, even though he already knew the answer.

  Kai took another sip of his wine, then smiled ruefully. “How much did you hear?”

  Jeremy wasn’t surprised Kai had known he was listening. He hadn’t even tried to be quiet when he first came in from the mudroom looking for Craig.

  “Most of it, I’m pretty sure,” he admitted.

  “How do you feel about it? Loren searched him right after and he hadn’t taken anything. I don’t think he’d been in here by himself longer than a minute or two before I realized he wasn’t in the bathroom anymore.”

  “I was pretty angry when I first realized he’d come into the main house, but when I heard his explanation—I believed him. It was wrong of him to come in, but I don’t want to report it. This time. Although if it happens again….”

  “Oh, Loren gave him a lecture like you wouldn’t believe on the van ride back, brought out the cop voice and everything. The kid was scared shitless. It won’t happen again, and I’m sorry it did this time.”

  Jeremy nodded. “It’s okay.”

  Kai sipped his wine and took a deep breath, seeming to gather his courage before asking, “Who’s the man in the picture with you?”

  “He was my husband.”

  Kai’s mouth dropped open, and Jeremy continued before he could say anything, “He died in a car accident a little over two years ago, about a month before our surrogate baby was stillborn.”

  Jeremy watched Kai blink several times, and he waited with resigned patience for the platitudes he’d heard so many times before from others and that he had the rote responses to. But once again Kai surprised him.

  “Well. Life’s sure served you some hella curveballs, man.” He raised his wineglass in a silent toast.

  Jeremy lifted his in return, then sipped, watching Kai’s face. He was relieved Kai hadn’t apologized profusely for bringing up a painful subject or stammered the usual “I’m so sorry” while looking anywhere but at Jeremy.

  The silence that fell wasn’t uncomfortable, and finally Jeremy said, “That night at the club, I hadn’t even planned to go. I’d driven up to Portland as a sort of challenge to myself, to get out of the house and do something outside my comfort zone. I had dinner at the hotel restaurant, and then went for a short walk along the riverfront. When I got back to my room, it was still early, and I felt a little restless. I started looking up nightclubs, thinking I could go have a drink, people watch a little. That particular club’s ad popped up, and before I knew it, I was there.”

  Kai looked at him steadily, his expression neutral.

  “After you and I—after we were—shit, after we were done, I panicked. Kai, that was the first sex I’d had since my husband died. I couldn’t cope with the feelings of guilt, of betrayal, and so I bolted.” Jeremy looked down at his hands. “And for what it’s worth, I spent the rest of the night sitting on the balcony wishing I could see you one more time, to apologize for what I’d done. I never considered you just a ‘piece of ass,’ no matter what it looks like to you; that was one of the hottest nights of my life.”

  Kai’s face softened even more, and he set his wineglass down carefully on the little side table, stood up and perched on the arm of Jeremy’s chair.

  “Me too,” he said softly. “I was very angry, and hurt, because I thought we’d had some sort of connection. I felt like such an idiot when I realized you were gone.”

  “I’m sorry, Kai,” Jeremy said in a rough voice. “I would have wanted to at least take you out for breakfast, talk to you, treat you like a human being instead of a club fuck. There’s no excuse.”

  Kai reached out and gently smoothed Jeremy’s hair off his forehead. “Thank you for explaining this to me. It helps.”

  He stood up from the chair and winced slightly.

  “What’s wrong?” Jeremy asked in concern. “Did you hurt yourself working in the yard today?”

  “No,” Kai said, a curious mix of amusement and pride on his face. “I got my butt handed to me by one badass woman.”

  Jeremy didn’t ask and Kai didn’t volunteer, and before he knew what he was saying, Jeremy murmured, “How about a soak in the Jacuzzi with me? That’s a surefire cure for sore muscles.”

  Kai held his eyes, knowing exactly what Jeremy was suggesting. A naked soak together in the Jacuzzi wouldn’t lead to a rousing game of checkers.

  Kai’s voice was husky as he asked, “You have some towels?”

  Arousal roared through Jeremy’s body, making him painfully hard in an instant. He nodded jerkily, then moved past Kai and pushed a button on the wall that rolled the cover back off of the large Jacuzzi, revealing the water beneath, steam immediately rising into the air. He pushed another button and the water started bubbling merrily.

  “I’ll get some towels and more wine,” he murmured.

  Jeremy grabbed another bottle of wine from the wine rack, barely able to open it with his shaking hands, then got some fluffy bath sheets from the downstairs linen closet. He stepped into the bathroom and stripped his clothes off, wrapping one of the bath sheets around his hips. As he was making his way back out to the patio, he suddenly had a horrible thought. Damn.

  Jeremy’s steps were a little slower, not as eager as he approached the Jacuzzi, and as he’d hoped, Kai’s clothes were neatly folded on a nearby chair and Kai himself was settled comfortably in one corner of the spa, the water bubbling and foaming around his naked shoulders.

  Jeremy laid Kai’s towel within reach, then crouched down next to Kai.

  “It’s been so long for me I don’t have any condoms,�
� he said softly. “And besides, I don’t want to do anything without sharing my test results with you. After I lost my family, I kind of went off the rails, went down to Mexico for almost a year. I did a lot of drugs there, Kai, trying to forget. Smoked them, snorted them, shot up with them. After I ran out of money, the flophouse I was in kicked me out, and somehow I got back to the border, called a friend, and he got me into rehab. I was tested in rehab, and twice a year since then for my own peace of mind. I’m clean, Kai, but I don’t feel right unless I show you tangible proof.”

  Kai stood up on his knees in the water, tugging at Jeremy’s towel until it loosened from around his hips and fell to the decking next to the Jacuzzi.

  “Get in here with me,” he urged, pulling on Jeremy’s hand until Jeremy stepped into the hot water and sank down next to Kai on the bench. Kai kept their fingers linked together as he said, “Okay, I understand. Same here. After what happened to me in detention, I’ve made sure I’m tested every time I have a physical. Last one was right before school started, and I haven’t gotten the latest results back yet. I’m clean, and I’ve never had sex, voluntary sex, without a condom. Ever. And I didn’t bring any tonight.”

  Jeremy tamped down his disappointment, but said, “Okay, then. Next time.”

  He gasped as Kai suddenly straddled his lap, threading his fingers through Jeremy’s hair and pulling his head back, licking a path up Jeremy’s neck until he reached Jeremy’s ear, tracing it hotly with his tongue before whispering into it, “Tell me what you’re going to do to me ‘next time.’”

  “Oh God,” Jeremy moaned, grasping Kai’s chin and bringing his mouth to his, sucking and biting at his lips, flicking the lip ring with his tongue. “Kiss me.”

  Kai teased Jeremy’s mouth with his before angling his head and kissing him deeply. Kai’s lips, hot and soft, contrasted with the bite of the piercing against the sensitive inner lining of Jeremy’s lower lip, made his hips bump up, seeking friction for his aching cock.

  “Tell me what you’re gonna do to me,” Kai whispered again, grinding down against Jeremy, the feel of Kai’s heavy balls against the base of Jeremy’s shaft making Jeremy’s eyes roll back in his head.

  “I’m going to spread you out on my bed,” Jeremy said huskily. “Like I wanted to do that night. Spread you wide and just look at you. And when I’m done looking at you, I’m going to kiss every inch.” He traced his hands up Kai’s belly to his chest, where he circled Kai’s nipples, tugging at the piercing. “Suck and bite.” He slid one hand down to Kai’s cock, encircling it with a tight grip, rubbing the head roughly with his thumb. “Lick and kiss.” He moved one hand away from Kai’s nipple and delved it between his ass cheeks, teasing and probing with his middle finger. “Taste.”

  Kai dropped his head back, and he grasped Jeremy’s shoulders, starting a slow roll of his hips, first thrusting his ass back against Jeremy’s finger, then snapping forward, forcing his cock through the tunnel of Jeremy’s fist. He moaned, “Jesus fuck. Oh God.” Kai’s motions made the water splash between them, slap against the side of the spa.

  “I’ll put my tongue in you, my fingers, my cock. I’ll fuck you until you come all over yourself while you’re screaming my name.” The words barely left Jeremy’s mouth when Kai slammed his lips down over his, and they were kissing desperately, tongues dueling, teeth clashing. Rough breathing and low moans echoed off the walls of the patio, the glass completely steamed over now.

  Kai tore his mouth free, moving his hand away from Jeremy’s shoulder to slide down between their bodies and grasp Jeremy’s cock. “I felt this against me that night, so big, so hard. I couldn’t see it, and I wanted to see it, to taste it.”

  Suddenly Kai pushed himself off of Jeremy’s lap and stood, urging Jeremy up. “Sit on the side here. Let me see you.”

  Jeremy lifted himself to sit on the side of the spa and leaned back on his hands, bringing one leg up and resting his heel on the edge of the decking, letting that knee fall far to the side, spreading wide.

  “Yes,” Kai hissed, moving to kneel on the bench between Jeremy’s legs, leaning forward and dragging his open mouth over Jeremy’s chest, licking up the water droplets, sucking at his nipples before kissing his way down Jeremy’s torso to hover over the tip of his cock. Jeremy almost came at the sight of Kai between his widespread legs, the feel of his hot breath against the swollen head of his cock, the way Kai greedily watched as clear fluid welled up out of the slit and slid down the shaft.

  “I want to taste you,” Kai murmured, his tongue coming out to lap up the droplet before it could get lost in Jeremy’s pubic hair. “You said you’re clean, and I believe you.” He chased another droplet of precome, licking it up, and Jeremy grasped Kai’s hair with one hand, the base of his own cock with the other, and rubbed the wet tip against Kai’s lips.

  “Then taste me,” he grated. “Suck me. Tease me with that fucking piercing. Tease me until I’m begging you to make me come.”

  Kai held Jeremy’s eyes with his as he rubbed his slightly open mouth over the swollen head of Jeremy’s erection, leisurely circling it with his tongue, stabbing it into the slit. He closed his lips over the tip and sucked lightly, making Jeremy hiss before pulling back and rubbing the metal piercing on the sensitive skin on the underside of the ridge, over and over until Jeremy arched his back helplessly, lifting his hips.

  Kai pressed his forearms against Jeremy’s inner thighs, immobilizing him and holding him wide, not letting Jeremy chase the friction, teasing him over and over again with his moist lips, a hint of tongue, followed by the rasp of metal.

  Jeremy didn’t even recognize his own voice as he gasped out, “Please, Kai,” and Kai smirked at him before mouthing his way down Jeremy’s shaft to nuzzle Jeremy’s balls with his nose.

  “Mmmm,” he hummed, sucking on the base of Jeremy’s cock, teasing his heavy, aching balls with the piercing, dragging his open mouth over them again and again.

  “You’re killing me, Kai. Please, gorgeous, suck my cock. Make me come,” Jeremy mindlessly begged, both hands threaded through Kai’s thick black hair.

  Kai teased and played with Jeremy’s balls a few minutes longer, sucking them one by one into his mouth, rolling them on his tongue before releasing them with a pop. He leisurely licked his way back up Jeremy’s straining shaft, not letting Jeremy rush him before he stood higher on his knees, leaned in, and took Jeremy to the back of his throat.

  “Jesus fuck!” Jeremy shouted, tightening his hands in Kai’s hair, his teeth bared as Kai swallowed around the aching head, the heat and pressure nearly driving Jeremy out of his mind. He was moaning helplessly, and when Kai released the restraint on his thighs, Jeremy braced his feet on the edge of the spa and started a slow thrust of his hips, fucking Kai’s mouth.

  Kai relaxed his throat completely, letting Jeremy go deeper, bringing his fingers up to squeeze and roll Jeremy’s balls while rubbing the sensitive skin just behind them. Begging curses spilled from Jeremy’s mouth as he arched and writhed beneath Kai’s talented mouth and hands, and before long he felt his balls draw up dangerously tight. He yanked Kai off his cock with a pop of released suction, moaning as he came, his semen splashing over Kai’s swollen lips and dripping from his chin.

  Jeremy grasped Kai’s cheeks with his hands and leaned in, licking up the glistening trails before feeding them to Kai with his tongue shoved deep in Kai’s mouth. Kai sucked on his tongue, licking Jeremy’s lips, and Jeremy was gasping for breath, murmuring nonsense words as together they cleaned Kai up, sharing Jeremy’s come. Jeremy didn’t think he’d ever experienced anything so hot, so downright fucking dirty, in his entire life. He couldn’t get enough.

  Kai stood up in front of Jeremy, his cock so hard it was tapping his belly and bobbing with Kai’s heartbeat. He spit into his own palm and began to stroke himself, and Jeremy leaned back on his hands and enjoyed the show, hungrily taking in the way Kai pleasured himself, the way he twisted his palm over the slick head on the upstroke, fucki
ng into his fist. Jeremy leaned close and licked the swollen tip each time it emerged from the tunnel of Kai’s stroking hand, enjoying the burst of Kai’s flavor on his tongue. After all their talk of testing, Jeremy knew in the back of his mind they were being stupid sons of bitches, but all he could think about was tasting this man, making him moan with the pleasure Jeremy could bring him.

  As Kai’s back arched with impending orgasm, Jeremy slipped two of his fingers into his own mouth, then slid them between Kai’s ass cheeks, rubbing against his hole. Kai cried out as Jeremy forced one fingertip inside him, shoving it deep, and then Kai was coming in agonizing pulses, the semen hitting Jeremy’s chest and sliding in hot trails down his torso.

  Jeremy wrapped his arms around Kai’s waist as he sagged against him, sticky come gluing them together, and Jeremy slid off the edge of the spa and took them both into the hot water, kissing Kai soothingly as they both recovered. Before long the heat drove them out of the Jacuzzi, and Jeremy wrapped Kai in his bath sheet before knotting his own around his hips, and they collapsed entangled on the nearby loveseat.

  Jeremy sipped some wine while Kai dozed against his chest, a sense of discomfort growing within him until he finally eased himself out from under him. He slipped into the downstairs bathroom and dressed, then knelt next to the loveseat and shook Kai’s shoulder lightly.

  “Hey,” he whispered. Kai opened his eyes and he sat up straight, yawning. Jeremy leaned over and picked up Kai’s bundle of clothes, holding them out. Kai looked at them a moment before taking them slowly.

  “Not a very subtle hint, man,” he said wryly, standing up and pulling his underwear on, then his jeans. Jeremy didn’t say anything as Kai dressed, waiting while he laced up his boots before walking him to the door. As Kai zipped up his hoodie, rooting in the pocket for his keys, Jeremy said quietly, “I hope you understand this can only be sex between us, Kai. I don’t want a relationship, and I never will.”